The Power of Be-coming

Witnessing growth and evolution in EHI’s classroom is a powerful thing. I was reminded of this as I reflected on an 8-day training that recently wrapped up in New Mexico.

People came to the training with open hearts and minds, and left 8 days later knowing that they had changed. That the Universe of sentient beings throughout time and space needs to meet them where they are now.

New Vistas & Horizons

New Vistas & Horizons

They are in a new level of be-coming.

Creating space for authentic and empowered choice. Living through and traversing the inevitable changes in landscape, terrain, climate and community.

The landscape, terrain, climate may be an internal shift – from the parched, sandy landscape of care-taking and self-subjugation to vistas high, wide and clear – purposeful and self-directed.

The community evolution – both internal and external. That inner committee of nay-saying voices hushed, softened, perhaps vanquished.

Self-aware & evolving

Self-aware & evolving

Externally, opening to and contemplating new relationships with clients, peers and colleagues who might experience, support and recommend their fledgling or evolving healing practice.


Be-coming stems from clear inner alignment, and sponsors external shifting and movement. As a student said,

Now that I know who I really am and what I want to create, there’s no turning back. I. Know.  And I am committed to myself, to following through on my work and my vision.

Have there ever been more beautiful words spoken?

Be-coming is a gift, a sacred passage and initiation.

Be-coming is the bird who flies when the cage door opens.

Be-coming is freeing!

Be-coming is freeing!

Be-coming vanquishes limiting beliefs as alignment, clarity anchor in the core.

Be-coming applies both deep listening and active response.

More an unfolding than a plan

In be-coming, there is the miracle of unfoldment.

A window opens and lets light in, and ideas and opportunities flood the transom.

A path may be chosen that fails to yield, yet another avenue emerges; setting a new direction on the compass rose.

Openings & new pathways

Openings & new pathways

Plans serve as springboards instead of roadmaps and destinations.

Questions live in the room – enlivening thought and harnessing intention.

Rilke’s quote serves well in these times:

“I beg you… to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language.

Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is, to live everything.  Live the questions now.

Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without ever noticing it, live your way into the answer…”

What’s this got to do with energy healing?

How do you think these good people got to this exciting and courageous threshold?

For many months, they’ve been studying energy healing and esoteric and practical protocols. Diligently applying the work to themselves and their life.

They actively steeped for 8-days in the cauldron and container of structured energy healing experiences and practices in Santa Fe.

Entering as students of energy healing, they grew and evolved, emerging as practitioners. More to do, learn and practice – sure. Yet each of them achieved a new level of self-mastery, and in-bodied deep, experiential learning.

Energy Healing: Body, Mind & Spirit

Energy Healing: Body, Mind & Spirit

Beautiful work, be-coming.

To learn about EHI’s Practitioner Program, click here.

And keep your vital energy flowing!




Are You Holding the Emotional Bag for Others?

A case for self-containment

You can only understand people if you feel them in yourself.

John Steinbeck, East of Eden

I trust I’m not the only person on the planet who is utterly repelled by Steinbeck’s quote. You don’t really believe this, do you?

Must I hold your feelings?

Must I hold your feelings?

I believe there’s far too much emphasis on ‘feeling peoples feelings’ – as a means of engaging and interacting.

Do you feel and experience other people’s emotions, their physical pain? Perhaps people, strangers even – at work, parties, coffee shops, airports, laundromats – wind up telling you their story. Sharing their pains, trials and traumas.

Sensitive, Caretaker, Empath

Do you define yourself as an empath, sensitive or caretaker – and wonder if it’s possible to dial this tendency down?

Truthfully, dear Steinbeckian Feeler – this tendency to take on and hold others emotions and pain is about your energy, not your human goodness. It’s not related to your innate compassion.

But guess what? Taking on other people’s energy, emotion and pain is about being energetically promiscuous!

Chakras & Energetic Promiscuity

I’ll share a bit about energy and specifically, Chakras to give you some context.

Chakras are balls of energy with openings that act as vacuums – taking in energy and information from ‘out there’ and bringing it ‘in here’ to contextualize life and its experiences.

People & Chakras

People & Chakras

Your energy, specifically your second Chakra – is currently wired to feel other people’s feelings, to take on their stuff – By Displacing Your Own Energy! Your energy dissipates, fades away and other’s energies infiltrate your good space.

Your 2nd Chakra

The 2nd Chakra is the seat of the emotions. Located 2 fingers below your navel, it’s also the seat of sexuality. It’s the energy center that is supposed to keep you abreast of your emotions – in relation to your thoughts, your experiences, your body, your life! (Notice the emphasis on ‘you’!) When you have really great sex – your 2nd Chakra is fully enrolled in the experience. It’s in a wide-open, merged state, as your bodies are also merged.

When the 2nd Chakra is excessively open, it absorbs other people’s feelings, rather than offering context on your own experience. All of those feelings end up in your body!

Holding the Emotional Bag

Let’s think about it another way: if I get you to hold a heavy bag for me, whose burden does it become?

Are you holding someone else's stuff?

Are you holding someone else’s stuff?

And if leave you with the bag, traipse off merrily into my life, free and unencumbered, where does that leave you?

Thanks for holding my stuff! I feel so much better!

Thanks for holding my stuff! I feel so much better!

Exactly! Holding the bag!

Evolving Your 2nd Chakra

Good news! There’s a remedy for this. It’s a simple visualization, and it helps you own and reclaim your 2nd Chakra – to relate without holding. (Reclaiming your 2nd Chakra energy is also great for your sex life!)

This skill is about not holding the bag for others. Keeping your front door closed. Being in relation to your stuff.

And no worries – you’ll still be aware of other people’s emotions and stuff. You’ll show up, be present, self-aware and fully interact with others. You just won’t be left holding their bag.

Visualize this!

Imagine a ball of energy, positioned in front of your spine, and about 2” beneath your navel – something like this:

A Chakra (or a koosh ball)

A Chakra (or a koosh ball)

Now, imagine a vegetable steamer, with the petals wide open and pointing out in front of you on the surface of the ball. Like this:

Your 2nd Chakra - preparing to hold the bag for others

Your 2nd Chakra – preparing to hold the bag for others

That’s what your Chakra looks like when it’s excessively open.

Take a pair of imaginary hands, and close the vegetable steamer petals down – you want just a little opening in the steamer. Like this:

Your 2nd Chakra - set to be All About Your Emotions!

Your 2nd Chakra – set to be All About Your Emotions!

Do this a lot – over and over again – and you’ll train your 2nd Chakra to hold your own emotions. You won’t miss a thing – people will still tell you stories, share their experiences. You just won’t hold them, carry them, or watch them dance away while you are left holding their emotional detritus.

A game changer for empaths – in fact, you might just find that you no longer describe yourself that way. You might begin to see your compassion emerge as a more elevated and neutral response and way of being.

What’s not to love about that?

Keep your vital energy flowing!



Blind Faith & Healing

Blind Faith

Recently, a Practitioner emailed a question resulting from a meditative exploration of belief systems in EHI’s Online Course on Manifestation.

Many of EHI’s courses help practitioners explore and expand conscious awareness, deepening the efficacy and breadth of their client practice. It’s tough to hold space for healing without a practical understanding of the workings of energy, and how emotions, thoughts and beliefs inform the body and experience.

The question, paraphrased:

During the meditative exploration, I developed a tightness in my chest, my heart throbbed, and my breathing became shallow and labored.

I asked myself, what is this about?

I immediately realized it was about taking responsibility as a leader, of the space I hold and carry in each client session.

Blind faith & platitudes

Blind faith & platitudes

This is a shift for me. I realized I have been using blind faith, the platitude that the highest possible good is always operating in the client’s experience. And that the client is doing the same thing – operating through blind faith.

I’m the practitioner! Isn’t that the blind leading the blind? No wonder I felt so anxious!

Jill, where is the balance? How much responsibility for the client do I own and how much should I release? I’m realize that I’m being complacent if I simply have blind faith that the Universe will take care of me and my clients.

How thrilling to watch this practitioner step through the doorway to a deeper level of conscious awareness, one that lends brilliance to a healing modality or form.

This doorway impels practitioners to leave behind platitudes and spiritually shallow ideas, such as:

  • assuming that everything is happening for the highest possible good
  • letting energy come through – with no idea how it actually happens, or what is streaming!
  • hot or cold hands imply efficacy and competency as a practitioner
  • sensing and feeling another’s pain, emotions – or having spontaneous awareness of a client’s ‘story’ is the mark of conscious awareness

All of these things carry a certain degree of accuracy.

However, if simply accepted at face value, they can actually be detrimental to both the practitioner and his or her clients.

The most important work that a practitioner can take up, beyond mastering his or her chosen modalities is deep exploration of consciousness, interconnection, and the workings of the Universal field.

Here’s the response I offered:

You are absolutely correct to think that blind faith (in anything – including the Universe) creates complacency. It also creates lack of responsibility, it takes you out of the role of both creator and creation.

You are both. Creator and creation. As a competent and integrated practitioner, you learn to consciously create through your:

integrated conscious awareness

And all of these are applied to the conscious application of the tools and resources of your modalities and practice.

The Universe learns through you. It responds to your conscious, aligned intent.



The Universe collaborates with your coherence and aligned intent. You are 100% responsible for what you create, allow, think, believe and act upon.

As are your clients. 100% responsible for what they create, allow, think, believe and act upon. [This does not imply that people consciously choose or ‘earn’ pain, disease, illness, emotional distress. It does mean that the client must take responsibility for their healing journey; the practitioner can’t do it for them!]

If for one minute, you take responsibility for your clients healing journey, you’re committing malpractice. It’s none of your business!

If you take 100% responsibility for the quality of your work as a resource and support to their process, you’ll always be acting in integrity and on the right side of the responsibility line.

As a practitioner, you sit in an open-handed level of certainty.  Working with energy, you’ll begin to see patterns emerging; you’ll recognize that seeing certain images in Chakras, the Aura resonate as the same emotion or pattern, no matter the person you’re seeing it in.

Conscious awareness & healing

Conscious awareness & healing

Blind faith is not part and parcel of anything having to do with energy work. You’re perfectly safe letting go of that idea! Blind faith is the stuff of religious dogma. It places the power and authority of self in the hands of the all-seeing Other. That’s not how the Universe works.

Rather, you’re developing a conscious collaboration with the Universe, wherein your work is aligned, coherent. You’ll consciously know when you’re ‘in the zone’ and when you’ve got work to do to achieve that level of coherence.

[By the way, there’s still room in EHI’s Practitioner Program – 11 Online Courses, an 8-day classroom training in September, 2015 in Santa Fe, New Mexico. If you’d like to talk about joining the group, let me know!]
Keep your vital energy flowing!


2015 Intention: Manifestation


How do people create resolutions? Here’s a 6-step model:

  1. Begin by looking back.
  2. Enjoy your achievements, then set them aside. [They are not part of resolutions.]
  3. Review what was not achieved.
  4. Choose the most important not achieves.
  5. Write them on a Resolutions list.
  6. Repeat in 365 days.

Yes, indeed. A 6-step formula that often feeds the inner critic and demoralizes the self. Here’s the thing:

Looking back doesn’t move life forward.


I Re-solve to:

I Re-solve to:

Re-solve. Try, try again.

Stop this.

Quit that.

Lose this.

Find that.

Looking back at past (there and then) choices, actions and behaviors. Using them to want and hope for a change.

For example:

Lose 10, 20, 30, 40 pounds
Exercise 3, 4, 5x/week
Stop: Smoking, Drinking, Swearing, Eating, Lying, Cheating, Whining, Bleating
Find: Partner, Spouse, Job, House

They are re-solutions. Attempts to solve ‘the problem’ anew.

The energy of resolution coalesces around ‘wanting’.

In-tend – feel the difference?

In. Tend.

Leaning toward, attending.

The Mission? Grounded. The task? Clear. The attention? Focused.

Intending to Grow

Intending to Grow

Intention is action-oriented, goal-directed. Conscious.

In-tending includes clarity – less about task and more about objectives. For example,

I am healthy, fit and active. That’s an intention. [In fact, it’s one of mine – I’m giving it to you as a gift. It’s just a copy – I’m keeping the original!]

Tasks – actions that might be taken in alignment with this intention might include:

quitting smoking
eating healthy, small meals
drinking water
going to yoga classes, the gym, dance class
going to bed earlier
drinking kombucha, eating bugs, more veggies, less fruit, whatevah!

In reality, this intention fits many shapes and sizes, right? It has a clear objective – self-care, health, well-being. The individual actions emerge through consciously holding the intention.

Shifting to Intention

Moving from Re-solving to In-tending is facilitated through conscious awareness. Tuning in and attending to:

  • self – thoughts, beliefs, emotions, actions – taken and not taken
  • energy – clearing (see self, above), and the serendipitous flow of the Universe
  • next right thing – staying present and open to perceive what emerges

Self – Let’s be clear, monitoring thought is not monkey-mind. It’s observation of what the [monkey] mind is doing. And setting course with a deeper, more organic way of being. [Try breathing, slowly, deeply, consciously. It leads to being.] Thoughts, beliefs, emotions, actions aligned with in-tending create coherence. All else observed, acknowledged and released.

Clearing energy - align with your in-tending

Clearing energy – align with your in-tending

Clearing energy – aligned with intention; releasing obstructions and blockages that otherwise snag and derail movement from idea to form. Acknowledging that the Universe doesn’t decide what to create – it neutrally feeds intent. The opportunities and experiences that emerge offer insight to the coherence of intent, beliefs, thoughts, emotions and actions.

Next right thing – Through self-awareness and alignment, new choices, ways of thinking, experiences, ideas emerge. It’s tough to run an old tape and create the same old result when experiencing life through conscious awareness!

In-tending is an active discipline that yields results through focus, clarity and alignment.

An Offer – Good til 12/31

If intention and manifestation is on your mind, check out the Intentions, Belief Systems and Manifestation Online Course and its correlative Practice Group launching in January.

Now through December 31 – purchase both the Intentions Belief Systems & Manifestation Online Course and Manifestation Practice Group Bundle, and receive a free bonus admission to the $195 Chakras: Manifesting Like You Mean It! Online Course.

All Online Courses are recorded, and have participant materials with illustrated skills, practices, exercises.

Blow off your Re-solutions

And get on with In-tending.

Happy Holidays and Keep Your Vital Energy Flowing!










Inner Conflict

Two on the Inside

I’ve spent the last 30 years dancing with an inner conflict. There are two of me in there, and they have different values and points of view. When one of them makes a choice, the other goes bonkers. Bonkers!

If the other self makes a decision, its opposite goes wild.

Bonkers. Wild. What’s a gal to do?

I’ll tell you how I navigate my dual (not dueling) selves. But first, I’m going to come clean and tell you who I am.

I’m a nester

Home and hearth are important to me. I can be a homebody, spending days at a time alone, quietly tucked in. I’m a bit of a neatnik. I cleaned my bathtub and refrigerator, made up my bed with fresh sheets before leaving town for 3 weeks. Why? Because my nester loves coming home to a clean house!



I’m a nomad

I love to travel. To go away for lengthy periods of time – and Be someplace else. To live in the rhythm of my life in unfamiliar places.  To streamline and live out of one small suitcase – for weeks at a time! Where to next? is my first thought when I arrive back home after time away.

The Open Road

The Open Road

See the Conflict?

Leaving home is excruciating. I dread packing, leaving, flying away from the nest. AND…

I thrive on adventure, the open road, being fluid, mobile and unfettered.

Navigating My Selves

What I’ve learned is that each aspect of my personality is equally valid. There’s nothing wrong with either one of my selves. They both deserve the care and feeding of conscious awareness.

My Nester

Acknowledging that my homebody revolts when my suitcase comes out of the closet, I’ve learned to pack steadily, over several days. It gives my nest-builder a focus – creating a portable nest. I assemble things slowly. The suitcase rolls out the day before I leave, but my nester has been busily preparing for several days. And I clean, organize, prepare for my homecoming. Very pleasing.

My Nomad

My nomad amps up as I begin to establish a pile of packables. I research and choose things I want to see or do while I’m away. I notify my personal trainers of my pending departure. Somehow that makes leaving real. I cultivate my excitement about Elsewhere. I am joyous and anticipatory.

Acknowledging Opposite Polarities

I used to feel incredibly pulled and torn by my opposing points of view. I wondered how I could stuff both of these very strong impulses inside of my being. I felt secretly less than – it can’t be right to be equally pulled by these dual forces!



When I acknowledged the validity and veracity of both sides of me, I relaxed. And I found a way to be in harmony in duality. By taking my time to leave and researching where I am going as I am leaving.

Perhaps an odd combination – but it works for me.

The Truth of the Matter

This post is not really about my nesting/nomadic tendencies.

It’s about inner conflict. And finding a way to respect and acknowledge that conflicting selves are valid, hold truths and need not be overridden. It is possible to live in a both/and awareness. And it’s ultimately freeing and liberating to own full selfhood.

May I Ask?

Are you conscious of your conflicting selves? What ways do you find to validate, harmonize and love your full self?

Keep Your Vital Energy Flowing!




Chaos & Emergence


For 10 months, I’ve lived with my condo in a mild state of disorder. During a building-wide re-plumbing project, I had 2 floods in my unit.

Consciousness & Transition

Just a pipe – not the real leak!

I had to have the floor replaced, and it’s taken many months for the moon and stars to align to get the work completed.

Now that it’s truly over, I fully comprehend the amount of energy I was holding to see this project through. Truthfully, if I didn’t drive the process, it wasn’t going to get done. I’ll spare you the details – lots of miscommunication and misinformation between 8 or 10 different parties.

As the tenant in the unit, I became the hub. And the Czar of Intention and Resolution.


To see this fiasco through, I needed to remain present, conscious and intentional. It took 4 months to get all 8 parties in the loop to actualize the new floor!

Without intention, problems often remain unresolved.

I followed a rat trail through each of the 8 players stories, knowing it would eventually yield a new floor.

I’m grateful for this learning experience. I’m clearer within myself, and I have a new floor – what’s not to love?!


I like order. Many of us do. And, I don’t reject or seek chaos.

But if I’m in chaos, I go for the ride. Why fight it?

I moved my stuff around for 4 nights, accommodating the project progression. I couldn’t find important things – I’d forgotten where I stashed them. I ate meals in cafes and my car, used parking lots for phone meetings.


Consciousness & Transition

Chaos – Go With It – It’s part of Transition!

Giving in to chaos is often a necessary part of transition.

I didn’t enroll in the maelstrom. I flowed through and around it.

I’m grateful for this experience. I’m more flexible, and I have a new floor!


Returning home on Day 2, I expected to move my clothes back into the closet that serves as my dresser. I had prepared for one day of closet chaos, ensuring that the day and evening’s clothes were accessible and in a remembered spot. All good.

Except the bedroom/closet part of the project would not be completed til the end of Day 3.

Uh-oh. Where did I put the stuff I’ll need to wear tomorrow?

Enter internal harrumph and fuss. When would this infernal chaos end? And when would it be about me instead of how everybody else wants things to happen?

And then I noticed.

I was trying to control an unfolding transition. Transitions have a rhythm and flow of their own. End of harrumph.

I laughed at my need for control and my resistance to what is so. I surrendered.

Surrender to what is brings lightness, and a way to move back into flow.

I’m grateful for this experience. I increased my ability to let go – and I have a new floor!


During my nightly stuff relocation forays, I fortified myself – every journey has an end. There’s light at the end of the tunnel.

I know what it looks and feels like to focus on the tunnel instead of the light.

Focusing on the tunnel exacerbates the chaos, stimulates the need for control and shores up the resistance to letting go and being with what is so.

I focused on the light.

I (mostly) remained calm, at ease, playful, present as I moved stuff and monitored the progression.

I can hold intention and light while surrendering to chaos, without enrolling in its maelstrom. And emergence and evolution is the prize.


When I returned at noon Wednesday, the floor was done. I spent several hours putting the small things back into place, redecorating. This time the work felt pleasing, enjoyable.

Consciousness & Transition

Completion. Order Restored.

Tired? Yes. And also, light. I felt (and feel) light.

Intention and Evolution

Ten months to hold an intention for a simple transition like a new floor seems a bit extensive. (It is.)

Yet it’s not a long time for a major spiritual/personal evolution.

Intention, Chaos, Surrender, Light, Emergence, Completion. Seems like a model for conscious evolution to me!

How are you navigating transitions in your life?





Interview: Awakened Consciousness Summit

We’re Talking Awakened Consciousness!

I’m thrilled to share my interview with Tracy Roman from a recent summit – The Awakened Consciousness Summit.

I was the last of 25 speakers – and we had an enjoyable and powerful interview together. I shared a bit of my personal story – fascinating, compelling – a real show-stopper!

More importantly, I discussed the role of the energy system – the Chakras and Auras in supporting conscious awareness. A bit of a sweet spot for me, if I do say so myself!

Want to learn a bit about EHI & Conscious Awareness?

Want to learn a bit about EHI & Conscious Awareness?

One of the most recent participants in the Practitioner Program told me that she felt that Tracy had saved the best speaker for last.

A flattering, unsolicited testimonial – followed by her joining the Practitioner Program, and a clear resonance with the work that is offered at EHI. Thank you, Tracy Roman!

Take a listen?







Where Do You Place Your Attention?

Do You:

  • watch a lot of news on tv
  • read a lot of news in the paper
  • talk about the headlines with your friends, family, colleagues
  • feel overwhelmed by all of the terrible things happening in the world

Do You?

  • meditate, pray, turn your attention inward
  • cultivate inner peace
  • seek ways to create and support change locally – in your community
Shifting my attention

Shifting my attention

My Attention Shift

Moving to Portland, Oregon was a major transition for me.

I went from living on 20 acres in Maine to a 900 sq. ft. condo in the heart of the city.

I lived with my husband in Maine. I live alone in Portland.

I left my TV in Maine. And I chose not to buy one in Portland.

I spent the first 3 months without a radio. And I rarely used my computer to stream NPR.

My addiction to being ‘current’ on the news and feeling informed and therefore, somehow like I was Doing Something to Help was instantly broken.

Here’s What Happened

I got involved with people in my community. I found out about local issues – through connecting with people and learning about what they thought about – where they placed their attention.

And I started contributing to the lives of people in my community.

And I learned.

How to Make A Difference

Through small, simple acts of neighborliness, I make a difference in the lives of people around me. I’m making connections that continue to grow and deepen.

And I’m at peace.

Because in my local community, I truly am important. I can make a difference, and my participation is measurable, tangible and action-oriented.

The World is the World

Off with the TV - Out into my Local World!

Off with the TV – Out into my Local World!

I can’t do a thing about Syria, Iraq, Ebola. I’m clear that my contribution to these issues is nil at best.

I am clear that if I place my attention on problems I can’t solve, address, resolve or contribute to resolving, then I am going to feel helpless, uneasy and at a loss.

Local is Home

My meditations, energy, intention and attention are focused on what I can effect locally. And I am at peace. I am making a difference, I am being the change.

I’m a tiny cog in a huge wheel. And I’m important. Where I am. The wheel isn’t the same without me. Where I am.

The view from my window – I make a difference here.


My Biggest Gift

This awareness – that placing my energy on problems and issues beyond my pay grade is debilitating, disempowering and devolves my ability to take action.

This awareness – unplugging from the unrelenting pressure of the problems of the world has been so healing and affirming.

This awareness – that my local efforts matter, generate measurable results has been so validating and uplifting.

This awareness – has taught me volumes about presence and consciousness. About Being the Change.

Where Do You Place Your Attention?

I’d love to know. And I’d love to continue the dialogue.

Whatever you’re doing, wherever your focus – Keep Your Vital Energy Flowing!



On the Road & Heading Home

GPS: Taos to Salt Lake City

Having completed my 2nd week in Taos, it was time to head back home.

photo 2(1)

Early morning fog

I felt clear about my relationship with Oliver. I was sad, disappointed and a little angry. Not at him. At the situation.

I felt ready to return to Portland. Ready to tackle my ever growing list of business projects. To continue the rhythm of building a new life in a new city.

Dear friends live in Salt Lake City, Utah. I made their home my goal for the day, and set off on the 11-hour journey.

As we crossed into Colorado, Oliver thought it would be a nice idea to stretch out in my lap. I curtailed the activity. Too much traffic, and it was too hot from the sun beating through my window.

Oliver preferred his idea and tried again. Four more times. I stopped him. [This level of stubborn is a lot – even for a bulldog!]

The last time, I stopped him with a hard look, a clear command, and used his harness to enforce him sitting down. He glared at me, set his head in defiance.

I looked back to the road, and for a brief moment, out the driver’s side window. I didn’t see him coming until he’d vaulted into my lap. Oliver somehow hooked a back leg through my steering wheel, and then began pulling and scrambling away to remove it. He jerked the wheel and I crossed into the oncoming traffic lane.

I regained control, and thankfully it was not a close call, but it was hair-raising.

Oliver's view as he entered his crate

Oliver’s view as he entered his crate

Oliver rode in his crate the remainder of the drive to Salt Lake.

And I contemplated rehoming him at a shelter. I pulled into a rest area to take a 30-minute walk, moving through emotion and clearing energy, regaining composure and ease.

My friends in Salt Lake observed Oliver as he endlessly sniffed the floor throughout the house, eating anything that resembled food. He ate moulted lovebird feathers, bird seed, cat food, dust, crumbs, plant droppings. His new nickname – Hoover.

Hoover made minimal effort to connect with people, including me. I was useful for feeding, making sure he went outside. The occasional rub or snuggle for 10 seconds was solicited.

Evolving Moment #7

Oliver’s desire to be with someone else has nothing to do with me. Taking it personally activates my anger and sadness. I’ll work those themes in my clearing and meditation practice.

Evolving Moment #8

I can assess my 5 months with Oliver through multiple lenses, and the lens I use is best chosen consciously.

I choose evolution.

I acknowledge and own the parts of me that had lived in the shadow of male disdain, and invited, tolerated inequity in partnership.

And I actively choose letting go, moving on, liberating. More, more liberating. Evolving.

Evolving Moment #9

Getting it is important. Feeling it is significant (though not essential). Letting it go is evolutionary. Consciousness and clearing are my vehicles for evolving.

The search is underway for Oliver’s new home. Portland and Salt Lake have been notified.

A word for my life.

A word for my life.

And my heart, while sad, feels free.

And yes, still more to come.

Keep your vital energy flowing!



Into the Light – Part 3

Light & Clarity Emerge

Returning to Taos from my brief junket in Portland, Oliver and I moved into our second rental.  A sweet little house, with a lovely kitchen, gas fireplace, comfortable furniture and a fenced yard.

My routine – out early on the frosty mornings for coffee, breakfast and writing time at a local cafe, Oliver asleep in the car in his sweater.

Oliver. Sleeping on the couch.

Oliver. Sleeping on the couch.

At home in the afternoon, I’d open the door and Oliver would come and go as he pleased. He  burrowed his nose in the dirt and gravel, noshing on dehydrated flower blossoms. Or sleep. On the couch.

Client consultations, online classes, a remote healing group, writing – just like life in Portland. Yet I felt freer, less encumbered.

Except for my discomfort with Oliver.

What would it take to bridge the gap from connection to bonding?
What was holding the gap in place?
What was my role in this bizarre relationship?
How could I shift my stance, move beyond our fragile connection?

I’ve lived with bulldogs all my life. I know the breed well; they’re not without their challenges. But bonding is practically a given with bulldogs. They can be possessive, sometimes finding it difficult to share their person’s life with other animals – and even people!

I took full responsibility for my part as a person and as his owner.

I tried multiple approaches
I gave more, trained more, invited more.

I spent hours and hours working with Oliver, trying to shift from connecting to bonding.

He receives my attention and care. He wants what he wants. He is unable to shift his behavior and follow the rules. When rules are enforced, the tension and disdain he emanates is palpable. And a cooling off period ensues. Then he cycles around for attention, but not in mutuality. He takes, but he’s not one to give.

A consultation with an animal communicator provides validation of what I already know. Oliver likes me, but he doesn’t love me. He thinks I’m nice, but I’m not his person. His person is male, and perhaps in Russia where he was born and spent his first 10 months.

Posing the ultimate question –  will Oliver play by my rules and bond, or shall I rehome him? Oliver chose rehoming.

Seeking Clarity

Seeking Clarity

Oliver and I immediately shift our behaviors to match our reality.

Oliver’s Choice: From that day on, Oliver slept on the couch, or later, in his crate. By his choice. He used to sleep on the bed, tucked in, yet unavailable.

My Choice: It is what it is. Observe. Listen. Trust.

And though my heart is sad, bruised, I evolve, let go, liberate.

Evolving Moment #6 – Clarity emerges. Light dawns. Oliver is a manifestation of two patterns I had shifted, but not fully resolved.

My relationships must be based in equality, mutual respect and love. I give and receive in kind.

A legacy of subtle disdain for women in my family’s male lineage manifests in his willful disrespect for house rules.

A road trip that began as following my whimsy has become a profound journey of evolution and personal freedom. I’m blown away and grateful.

Still more to come.

Keep your vital energy flowing!



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