Blind Faith & Healing

Blind Faith

Recently, a Practitioner emailed a question resulting from a meditative exploration of belief systems in EHI’s Online Course on Manifestation.

Many of EHI’s courses help practitioners explore and expand conscious awareness, deepening the efficacy and breadth of their client practice. It’s tough to hold space for healing without a practical understanding of the workings of energy, and how emotions, thoughts and beliefs inform the body and experience.

The question, paraphrased:

During the meditative exploration, I developed a tightness in my chest, my heart throbbed, and my breathing became shallow and labored.

I asked myself, what is this about?

I immediately realized it was about taking responsibility as a leader, of the space I hold and carry in each client session.

Blind faith & platitudes

Blind faith & platitudes

This is a shift for me. I realized I have been using blind faith, the platitude that the highest possible good is always operating in the client’s experience. And that the client is doing the same thing – operating through blind faith.

I’m the practitioner! Isn’t that the blind leading the blind? No wonder I felt so anxious!

Jill, where is the balance? How much responsibility for the client do I own and how much should I release? I’m realize that I’m being complacent if I simply have blind faith that the Universe will take care of me and my clients.

How thrilling to watch this practitioner step through the doorway to a deeper level of conscious awareness, one that lends brilliance to a healing modality or form.

This doorway impels practitioners to leave behind platitudes and spiritually shallow ideas, such as:

  • assuming that everything is happening for the highest possible good
  • letting energy come through – with no idea how it actually happens, or what is streaming!
  • hot or cold hands imply efficacy and competency as a practitioner
  • sensing and feeling another’s pain, emotions – or having spontaneous awareness of a client’s ‘story’ is the mark of conscious awareness

All of these things carry a certain degree of accuracy.

However, if simply accepted at face value, they can actually be detrimental to both the practitioner and his or her clients.

The most important work that a practitioner can take up, beyond mastering his or her chosen modalities is deep exploration of consciousness, interconnection, and the workings of the Universal field.

Here’s the response I offered:

You are absolutely correct to think that blind faith (in anything – including the Universe) creates complacency. It also creates lack of responsibility, it takes you out of the role of both creator and creation.

You are both. Creator and creation. As a competent and integrated practitioner, you learn to consciously create through your:

intention
congruence
authenticity
autonomy
self-responsibility
integrated conscious awareness

And all of these are applied to the conscious application of the tools and resources of your modalities and practice.

The Universe learns through you. It responds to your conscious, aligned intent.

Collaboration

Collaboration

The Universe collaborates with your coherence and aligned intent. You are 100% responsible for what you create, allow, think, believe and act upon.

As are your clients. 100% responsible for what they create, allow, think, believe and act upon. [This does not imply that people consciously choose or 'earn' pain, disease, illness, emotional distress. It does mean that the client must take responsibility for their healing journey; the practitioner can't do it for them!]

If for one minute, you take responsibility for your clients healing journey, you’re committing malpractice. It’s none of your business!

If you take 100% responsibility for the quality of your work as a resource and support to their process, you’ll always be acting in integrity and on the right side of the responsibility line.

As a practitioner, you sit in an open-handed level of certainty.  Working with energy, you’ll begin to see patterns emerging; you’ll recognize that seeing certain images in Chakras, the Aura resonate as the same emotion or pattern, no matter the person you’re seeing it in.

Conscious awareness & healing

Conscious awareness & healing

Blind faith is not part and parcel of anything having to do with energy work. You’re perfectly safe letting go of that idea! Blind faith is the stuff of religious dogma. It places the power and authority of self in the hands of the all-seeing Other. That’s not how the Universe works.

Rather, you’re developing a conscious collaboration with the Universe, wherein your work is aligned, coherent. You’ll consciously know when you’re ‘in the zone’ and when you’ve got work to do to achieve that level of coherence.

[By the way, there's still room in EHI's Practitioner Program - 11 Online Courses, an 8-day classroom training in September, 2015 in Santa Fe, New Mexico. If you'd like to talk about joining the group, let me know!]
Keep your vital energy flowing!

0

2015 Intention: Manifestation

Resolutions

How do people create resolutions? Here’s a 6-step model:

  1. Begin by looking back.
  2. Enjoy your achievements, then set them aside. [They are not part of resolutions.]
  3. Review what was not achieved.
  4. Choose the most important not achieves.
  5. Write them on a Resolutions list.
  6. Repeat in 365 days.

Yes, indeed. A 6-step formula that often feeds the inner critic and demoralizes the self. Here’s the thing:

Looking back doesn’t move life forward.

 

I Re-solve to:

I Re-solve to:

Re-solve. Try, try again.

Stop this.

Quit that.

Lose this.

Find that.

Looking back at past (there and then) choices, actions and behaviors. Using them to want and hope for a change.

For example:

Lose 10, 20, 30, 40 pounds
Exercise 3, 4, 5x/week
Stop: Smoking, Drinking, Swearing, Eating, Lying, Cheating, Whining, Bleating
Find: Partner, Spouse, Job, House

They are re-solutions. Attempts to solve ‘the problem’ anew.

The energy of resolution coalesces around ‘wanting’.

In-tend – feel the difference?

In. Tend.

Leaning toward, attending.

The Mission? Grounded. The task? Clear. The attention? Focused.

Intending to Grow

Intending to Grow

Intention is action-oriented, goal-directed. Conscious.

In-tending includes clarity – less about task and more about objectives. For example,

I am healthy, fit and active. That’s an intention. [In fact, it's one of mine - I'm giving it to you as a gift. It's just a copy - I'm keeping the original!]

Tasks – actions that might be taken in alignment with this intention might include:

quitting smoking
eating healthy, small meals
drinking water
going to yoga classes, the gym, dance class
going to bed earlier
singing
drinking kombucha, eating bugs, more veggies, less fruit, whatevah!

In reality, this intention fits many shapes and sizes, right? It has a clear objective – self-care, health, well-being. The individual actions emerge through consciously holding the intention.

Shifting to Intention

Moving from Re-solving to In-tending is facilitated through conscious awareness. Tuning in and attending to:

  • self – thoughts, beliefs, emotions, actions – taken and not taken
  • energy – clearing (see self, above), and the serendipitous flow of the Universe
  • next right thing – staying present and open to perceive what emerges

Self – Let’s be clear, monitoring thought is not monkey-mind. It’s observation of what the [monkey] mind is doing. And setting course with a deeper, more organic way of being. [Try breathing, slowly, deeply, consciously. It leads to being.] Thoughts, beliefs, emotions, actions aligned with in-tending create coherence. All else observed, acknowledged and released.

Clearing energy - align with your in-tending

Clearing energy – align with your in-tending

Clearing energy – aligned with intention; releasing obstructions and blockages that otherwise snag and derail movement from idea to form. Acknowledging that the Universe doesn’t decide what to create – it neutrally feeds intent. The opportunities and experiences that emerge offer insight to the coherence of intent, beliefs, thoughts, emotions and actions.

Next right thing – Through self-awareness and alignment, new choices, ways of thinking, experiences, ideas emerge. It’s tough to run an old tape and create the same old result when experiencing life through conscious awareness!

In-tending is an active discipline that yields results through focus, clarity and alignment.

An Offer – Good til 12/31

If intention and manifestation is on your mind, check out the Intentions, Belief Systems and Manifestation Online Course and its correlative Practice Group launching in January.

Now through December 31 – purchase both the Intentions Belief Systems & Manifestation Online Course and Manifestation Practice Group Bundle, and receive a free bonus admission to the $195 Chakras: Manifesting Like You Mean It! Online Course.

All Online Courses are recorded, and have participant materials with illustrated skills, practices, exercises.

Blow off your Re-solutions

And get on with In-tending.

Happy Holidays and Keep Your Vital Energy Flowing!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

0

Inner Conflict

Two on the Inside

I’ve spent the last 30 years dancing with an inner conflict. There are two of me in there, and they have different values and points of view. When one of them makes a choice, the other goes bonkers. Bonkers!

If the other self makes a decision, its opposite goes wild.

Bonkers. Wild. What’s a gal to do?

I’ll tell you how I navigate my dual (not dueling) selves. But first, I’m going to come clean and tell you who I am.

I’m a nester

Home and hearth are important to me. I can be a homebody, spending days at a time alone, quietly tucked in. I’m a bit of a neatnik. I cleaned my bathtub and refrigerator, made up my bed with fresh sheets before leaving town for 3 weeks. Why? Because my nester loves coming home to a clean house!

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Home

I’m a nomad

I love to travel. To go away for lengthy periods of time – and Be someplace else. To live in the rhythm of my life in unfamiliar places.  To streamline and live out of one small suitcase – for weeks at a time! Where to next? is my first thought when I arrive back home after time away.

The Open Road

The Open Road

See the Conflict?

Leaving home is excruciating. I dread packing, leaving, flying away from the nest. AND…

I thrive on adventure, the open road, being fluid, mobile and unfettered.

Navigating My Selves

What I’ve learned is that each aspect of my personality is equally valid. There’s nothing wrong with either one of my selves. They both deserve the care and feeding of conscious awareness.

My Nester

Acknowledging that my homebody revolts when my suitcase comes out of the closet, I’ve learned to pack steadily, over several days. It gives my nest-builder a focus – creating a portable nest. I assemble things slowly. The suitcase rolls out the day before I leave, but my nester has been busily preparing for several days. And I clean, organize, prepare for my homecoming. Very pleasing.

My Nomad

My nomad amps up as I begin to establish a pile of packables. I research and choose things I want to see or do while I’m away. I notify my personal trainers of my pending departure. Somehow that makes leaving real. I cultivate my excitement about Elsewhere. I am joyous and anticipatory.

Acknowledging Opposite Polarities

I used to feel incredibly pulled and torn by my opposing points of view. I wondered how I could stuff both of these very strong impulses inside of my being. I felt secretly less than – it can’t be right to be equally pulled by these dual forces!

Polarities

Polarities

When I acknowledged the validity and veracity of both sides of me, I relaxed. And I found a way to be in harmony in duality. By taking my time to leave and researching where I am going as I am leaving.

Perhaps an odd combination – but it works for me.

The Truth of the Matter

This post is not really about my nesting/nomadic tendencies.

It’s about inner conflict. And finding a way to respect and acknowledge that conflicting selves are valid, hold truths and need not be overridden. It is possible to live in a both/and awareness. And it’s ultimately freeing and liberating to own full selfhood.

May I Ask?

Are you conscious of your conflicting selves? What ways do you find to validate, harmonize and love your full self?

Keep Your Vital Energy Flowing!

 

 

0

Chaos & Emergence

Transition

For 10 months, I’ve lived with my condo in a mild state of disorder. During a building-wide re-plumbing project, I had 2 floods in my unit.

Consciousness & Transition

Just a pipe – not the real leak!

I had to have the floor replaced, and it’s taken many months for the moon and stars to align to get the work completed.

Now that it’s truly over, I fully comprehend the amount of energy I was holding to see this project through. Truthfully, if I didn’t drive the process, it wasn’t going to get done. I’ll spare you the details – lots of miscommunication and misinformation between 8 or 10 different parties.

As the tenant in the unit, I became the hub. And the Czar of Intention and Resolution.

Intention

To see this fiasco through, I needed to remain present, conscious and intentional. It took 4 months to get all 8 parties in the loop to actualize the new floor!

Without intention, problems often remain unresolved.

I followed a rat trail through each of the 8 players stories, knowing it would eventually yield a new floor.

I’m grateful for this learning experience. I’m clearer within myself, and I have a new floor – what’s not to love?!

Chaos

I like order. Many of us do. And, I don’t reject or seek chaos.

But if I’m in chaos, I go for the ride. Why fight it?

I moved my stuff around for 4 nights, accommodating the project progression. I couldn’t find important things – I’d forgotten where I stashed them. I ate meals in cafes and my car, used parking lots for phone meetings.

 

Consciousness & Transition

Chaos – Go With It – It’s part of Transition!

Giving in to chaos is often a necessary part of transition.

I didn’t enroll in the maelstrom. I flowed through and around it.

I’m grateful for this experience. I’m more flexible, and I have a new floor!

Surrender

Returning home on Day 2, I expected to move my clothes back into the closet that serves as my dresser. I had prepared for one day of closet chaos, ensuring that the day and evening’s clothes were accessible and in a remembered spot. All good.

Except the bedroom/closet part of the project would not be completed til the end of Day 3.

Uh-oh. Where did I put the stuff I’ll need to wear tomorrow?

Enter internal harrumph and fuss. When would this infernal chaos end? And when would it be about me instead of how everybody else wants things to happen?

And then I noticed.

I was trying to control an unfolding transition. Transitions have a rhythm and flow of their own. End of harrumph.

I laughed at my need for control and my resistance to what is so. I surrendered.

Surrender to what is brings lightness, and a way to move back into flow.

I’m grateful for this experience. I increased my ability to let go – and I have a new floor!

Emergence

During my nightly stuff relocation forays, I fortified myself – every journey has an end. There’s light at the end of the tunnel.

I know what it looks and feels like to focus on the tunnel instead of the light.

Focusing on the tunnel exacerbates the chaos, stimulates the need for control and shores up the resistance to letting go and being with what is so.

I focused on the light.

I (mostly) remained calm, at ease, playful, present as I moved stuff and monitored the progression.

I can hold intention and light while surrendering to chaos, without enrolling in its maelstrom. And emergence and evolution is the prize.

Completion

When I returned at noon Wednesday, the floor was done. I spent several hours putting the small things back into place, redecorating. This time the work felt pleasing, enjoyable.

Consciousness & Transition

Completion. Order Restored.

Tired? Yes. And also, light. I felt (and feel) light.

Intention and Evolution

Ten months to hold an intention for a simple transition like a new floor seems a bit extensive. (It is.)

Yet it’s not a long time for a major spiritual/personal evolution.

Intention, Chaos, Surrender, Light, Emergence, Completion. Seems like a model for conscious evolution to me!

How are you navigating transitions in your life?

 

 

 

0

Interview: Awakened Consciousness Summit

We’re Talking Awakened Consciousness!

I’m thrilled to share my interview with Tracy Roman from a recent summit – The Awakened Consciousness Summit.

I was the last of 25 speakers – and we had an enjoyable and powerful interview together. I shared a bit of my personal story – fascinating, compelling – a real show-stopper!

More importantly, I discussed the role of the energy system – the Chakras and Auras in supporting conscious awareness. A bit of a sweet spot for me, if I do say so myself!

Want to learn a bit about EHI & Conscious Awareness?

Want to learn a bit about EHI & Conscious Awareness?

One of the most recent participants in the Practitioner Program told me that she felt that Tracy had saved the best speaker for last.

A flattering, unsolicited testimonial – followed by her joining the Practitioner Program, and a clear resonance with the work that is offered at EHI. Thank you, Tracy Roman!

Take a listen?

 

 

 

 

 

0

Where Do You Place Your Attention?

Do You:

  • watch a lot of news on tv
  • read a lot of news in the paper
  • talk about the headlines with your friends, family, colleagues
  • feel overwhelmed by all of the terrible things happening in the world

Do You?

  • meditate, pray, turn your attention inward
  • cultivate inner peace
  • seek ways to create and support change locally – in your community
Shifting my attention

Shifting my attention

My Attention Shift

Moving to Portland, Oregon was a major transition for me.

I went from living on 20 acres in Maine to a 900 sq. ft. condo in the heart of the city.

I lived with my husband in Maine. I live alone in Portland.

I left my TV in Maine. And I chose not to buy one in Portland.

I spent the first 3 months without a radio. And I rarely used my computer to stream NPR.

My addiction to being ‘current’ on the news and feeling informed and therefore, somehow like I was Doing Something to Help was instantly broken.

Here’s What Happened

I got involved with people in my community. I found out about local issues – through connecting with people and learning about what they thought about – where they placed their attention.

And I started contributing to the lives of people in my community.

And I learned.

How to Make A Difference

Through small, simple acts of neighborliness, I make a difference in the lives of people around me. I’m making connections that continue to grow and deepen.

And I’m at peace.

Because in my local community, I truly am important. I can make a difference, and my participation is measurable, tangible and action-oriented.

The World is the World

Off with the TV - Out into my Local World!

Off with the TV – Out into my Local World!

I can’t do a thing about Syria, Iraq, Ebola. I’m clear that my contribution to these issues is nil at best.

I am clear that if I place my attention on problems I can’t solve, address, resolve or contribute to resolving, then I am going to feel helpless, uneasy and at a loss.

Local is Home

My meditations, energy, intention and attention are focused on what I can effect locally. And I am at peace. I am making a difference, I am being the change.

I’m a tiny cog in a huge wheel. And I’m important. Where I am. The wheel isn’t the same without me. Where I am.

The view from my window – I make a difference here.

 

My Biggest Gift

This awareness – that placing my energy on problems and issues beyond my pay grade is debilitating, disempowering and devolves my ability to take action.

This awareness – unplugging from the unrelenting pressure of the problems of the world has been so healing and affirming.

This awareness – that my local efforts matter, generate measurable results has been so validating and uplifting.

This awareness – has taught me volumes about presence and consciousness. About Being the Change.

Where Do You Place Your Attention?

I’d love to know. And I’d love to continue the dialogue.

Whatever you’re doing, wherever your focus – Keep Your Vital Energy Flowing!

 

0

On the Road & Heading Home

GPS: Taos to Salt Lake City

Having completed my 2nd week in Taos, it was time to head back home.

photo 2(1)

Early morning fog

I felt clear about my relationship with Oliver. I was sad, disappointed and a little angry. Not at him. At the situation.

I felt ready to return to Portland. Ready to tackle my ever growing list of business projects. To continue the rhythm of building a new life in a new city.

Dear friends live in Salt Lake City, Utah. I made their home my goal for the day, and set off on the 11-hour journey.

As we crossed into Colorado, Oliver thought it would be a nice idea to stretch out in my lap. I curtailed the activity. Too much traffic, and it was too hot from the sun beating through my window.

Oliver preferred his idea and tried again. Four more times. I stopped him. [This level of stubborn is a lot - even for a bulldog!]

The last time, I stopped him with a hard look, a clear command, and used his harness to enforce him sitting down. He glared at me, set his head in defiance.

I looked back to the road, and for a brief moment, out the driver’s side window. I didn’t see him coming until he’d vaulted into my lap. Oliver somehow hooked a back leg through my steering wheel, and then began pulling and scrambling away to remove it. He jerked the wheel and I crossed into the oncoming traffic lane.

I regained control, and thankfully it was not a close call, but it was hair-raising.

Oliver's view as he entered his crate

Oliver’s view as he entered his crate

Oliver rode in his crate the remainder of the drive to Salt Lake.

And I contemplated rehoming him at a shelter. I pulled into a rest area to take a 30-minute walk, moving through emotion and clearing energy, regaining composure and ease.

My friends in Salt Lake observed Oliver as he endlessly sniffed the floor throughout the house, eating anything that resembled food. He ate moulted lovebird feathers, bird seed, cat food, dust, crumbs, plant droppings. His new nickname – Hoover.

Hoover made minimal effort to connect with people, including me. I was useful for feeding, making sure he went outside. The occasional rub or snuggle for 10 seconds was solicited.

Evolving Moment #7

Oliver’s desire to be with someone else has nothing to do with me. Taking it personally activates my anger and sadness. I’ll work those themes in my clearing and meditation practice.

Evolving Moment #8

I can assess my 5 months with Oliver through multiple lenses, and the lens I use is best chosen consciously.

I choose evolution.

I acknowledge and own the parts of me that had lived in the shadow of male disdain, and invited, tolerated inequity in partnership.

And I actively choose letting go, moving on, liberating. More, more liberating. Evolving.

Evolving Moment #9

Getting it is important. Feeling it is significant (though not essential). Letting it go is evolutionary. Consciousness and clearing are my vehicles for evolving.

The search is underway for Oliver’s new home. Portland and Salt Lake have been notified.

A word for my life.

A word for my life.

And my heart, while sad, feels free.

And yes, still more to come.

Keep your vital energy flowing!

 

0

Into the Light – Part 3

Light & Clarity Emerge

Returning to Taos from my brief junket in Portland, Oliver and I moved into our second rental.  A sweet little house, with a lovely kitchen, gas fireplace, comfortable furniture and a fenced yard.

My routine – out early on the frosty mornings for coffee, breakfast and writing time at a local cafe, Oliver asleep in the car in his sweater.

Oliver. Sleeping on the couch.

Oliver. Sleeping on the couch.

At home in the afternoon, I’d open the door and Oliver would come and go as he pleased. He  burrowed his nose in the dirt and gravel, noshing on dehydrated flower blossoms. Or sleep. On the couch.

Client consultations, online classes, a remote healing group, writing – just like life in Portland. Yet I felt freer, less encumbered.

Except for my discomfort with Oliver.

What would it take to bridge the gap from connection to bonding?
What was holding the gap in place?
What was my role in this bizarre relationship?
How could I shift my stance, move beyond our fragile connection?

I’ve lived with bulldogs all my life. I know the breed well; they’re not without their challenges. But bonding is practically a given with bulldogs. They can be possessive, sometimes finding it difficult to share their person’s life with other animals – and even people!

I took full responsibility for my part as a person and as his owner.

I tried multiple approaches
I gave more, trained more, invited more.

I spent hours and hours working with Oliver, trying to shift from connecting to bonding.

He receives my attention and care. He wants what he wants. He is unable to shift his behavior and follow the rules. When rules are enforced, the tension and disdain he emanates is palpable. And a cooling off period ensues. Then he cycles around for attention, but not in mutuality. He takes, but he’s not one to give.

A consultation with an animal communicator provides validation of what I already know. Oliver likes me, but he doesn’t love me. He thinks I’m nice, but I’m not his person. His person is male, and perhaps in Russia where he was born and spent his first 10 months.

Posing the ultimate question -  will Oliver play by my rules and bond, or shall I rehome him? Oliver chose rehoming.

Seeking Clarity

Seeking Clarity

Oliver and I immediately shift our behaviors to match our reality.

Oliver’s Choice: From that day on, Oliver slept on the couch, or later, in his crate. By his choice. He used to sleep on the bed, tucked in, yet unavailable.

My Choice: It is what it is. Observe. Listen. Trust.

And though my heart is sad, bruised, I evolve, let go, liberate.

Evolving Moment #6 – Clarity emerges. Light dawns. Oliver is a manifestation of two patterns I had shifted, but not fully resolved.

My relationships must be based in equality, mutual respect and love. I give and receive in kind.

A legacy of subtle disdain for women in my family’s male lineage manifests in his willful disrespect for house rules.

A road trip that began as following my whimsy has become a profound journey of evolution and personal freedom. I’m blown away and grateful.

Still more to come.

Keep your vital energy flowing!

 

0

In the Dark in Taos – Part 2

The Road to Taos

I drove 12 hours from the mountaintop hotel in Utah to Taos. The drive was gorgeous – through Zion National Park, across Utah, Arizona – with a smidge of Colorado mixed in – into New Mexico.

A sleepless night preceded the long drive, yet somehow, I felt alert, awake and fully cogent. photo 3 copy

I was pressed for time. I had an Online Course to teach at 6pm. On the road at 6am; my GPS indicating a 12.5 hour drive ahead.

I drive faster than the speed of GPS (not sound!), I knew I could beat the clock, but there wasn’t much wiggle room for lengthy rest stops, pee breaks and meals.

I drove and drove, gawking at the scenery, running laps around the car with Oliver at rest stops, taking pictures on the move or at gas stations.

Dark House as Metaphor

And I made it to Taos. With 10 minutes to spare before my class.

An old adobe, my house was dark, with low ceilings and small windows. I flipped on light switches, nothing. I logged on to the internet with my trusty wifi anywhere, prepared to teach. In the dark.

It seemed odd that a house this old had one of those fancy master light switches. But no worries. I can deal.

View from my front porch at the little dark, hacienda

View from my front porch at the little dark, hacienda

Until 10 minutes in, when I lost my internet connection. And couldn’t log back on. In the dark. People online, waiting. Ugh.

In about 3 minutes lights came on throughout the house. We’d had a power failure!

I logged on to my class, discovering the group chatting online merrily, speculating on my whereabouts.

Later, I unpacked and settled in, blending with the darkness of the house. I felt held by the quiet, dark space.

The next day, my first full day in Taos, I felt hurried. Like it was almost time to be back on the road. The timeless Taos energy was drawing me into its vortex. I wanted and needed to stay.

Oliver seemed happy with a house and yard. He enjoyed his increased independence – alone in the fenced yard.  He was a different little being. Note to self: Will you move from your condo for your dogs joy?

Evolving Moment #4 – Each of us deserves to be happy and live how we want to live.

As my five days in the little hacienda ended, I made plans to stay on in Taos. I swiftly cobbled together a 48-hour return to Portland for business, Cirque de Soleil and more raw dog food. A friend agreed to keep Oliver during my absence. I rented a different house for my return.

Evolving Moment #5 – There’s always an answer. Live in the questions. The answers emerge.

Returning from Portland, I drove to Abiquiu where my friend awaited with Oliver. I was looking forward to seeing them.

Oliver was different. He was happy to see me in his typical detached way. And he’d picked up some training that he hadn’t successfully learned with me. In 48 hours. I’d spent 5 months on the very same skills. Hmmmm…

Evolving Moment #6 – Oliver chooses to ignore my rules. The tension between us is real. My perceptions are accurate.

As disappointing and strange as this was, I knew I had left the darkness and entered the light.

Oliver is clear and I'm getting there

Oliver is clear and I’m getting there

Evolving Moment #7 – The truth on the table is better than a well-hidden lie.

Do you see how these evolving moments inform awareness? Day by day, moment by moment, becoming clear, real, and in the truth of what is so.

Sometimes insights are blinding, glaring, flashing beacons! And sometimes they whisper through the dark, stillness of the ancient, timeless being.

The moment emerges, the emotions respond – sometimes relief, other times sadness and grief. Yet the truth opens and heals.

Yes, still more to come.

Keep your vital energy flowing!

 

 

 

 

2

Evolving on the Road – Part 1

Evolving Through Whimsy

I left Portland because I felt tired, stifled and stressed. I needed a break from my ‘normal’ life and routine. I was seeking inspiration and focus to take my work to its next iteration.

A trusted consultant asked me when the last time was that I followed my whimsy, following that question with a query about what I most wanted to do with my time.

Follow my whimsy? It’s been years. Does life even reward whimsy?

What do I want to do? Drive through the desert. For days on end.

Follow your whimsy, he said.

Within 3 days I was on the road.

The Road to Bend, OR

As I drove the 4+ hours to Bend, Oregon on Sunday afternoon, I noticed I was pushing to get there.

Choosing Flow

Choosing Flow

That’s not whimsy. That’s pushing.

Relax. Let go. Be. I did.

I noticed that Oliver, my bulldog, pushes his agenda all the time. He refused to take no for an answer when trying to get into my lap as I drove. To be safe, I pulled off the road and crated him for the rest of the drive.

Evolving Moment #1: At an inn on the banks of a rushing stream, I consciously chose flowing over pushing. Ahhhh…

The road to Ogden, UT

I love the spaciousness of the desert. The perspective that comes from standing – or even driving – in the midst of vast, empty space and sensing, feeling, embracing how tiny I am. How irrelevant my agenda in the grand scheme of things.

Perspective. Significance.

In the grand scheme of things…

Oliver, on the other hand, holds his agenda tightly. He wants what he wants. He behaves opportunistically. It’s for him, about him and that’s the end. He connects to get his needs met. He’s adorable and self-serving.

Evolving Moment #2: I know this pattern. I’ve lived it before.

In Ogden, I spent the night at a nameless, faceless hotel. The front desk clerk was tuned out, and I was acutely aware of the meaninglessness of our interaction.

I settled into my room, aware of something brewing within me. Unformed, unnamed, bubbling.

Gaining Altitude & Perspective

My third day on the road – more amazing vistas. The joy and freedom of owning my time, travel plan, space. Feeling mostly free. Except for the visceral brewing.

Driving along, I sat with my awareness that my relationship with Oliver is very challenging. I love him dearly. I do many things to ease his way, and he does little to reciproate. I’m a dog person. How could this be happening?

A short day of driving, culminating with checking in to a ski lodge at 10,000 ft. altitude. Sketchy internet connection in the room, so my Online Course had a few weird interruptions.

photo(8) copy

Altitude. Perspective.

I felt trapped – I couldn’t leave Oliver alone in the room, his crate was in the snow-covered, wind-whipped car. I had room service deliver dinner, and went to bed.

I slept for two hours, awakening for the night with altitude sickness – a pervasive headache and queasy stomach.

Evolving Moment #3: With altitude came perspective and awareness. Oliver and I are not well suited. I know what I know.

The Road to Taos

A long, beautiful day of driving. The desert in bloom – patches of purple, orange, yellow, pink, white, blue – brightening the landscape and bringing moments of surprise and pleasure. Drove through Zion, across Utah, Arizona and into New Mexico.

Landing at my Taos rental house, I’m off the road and into my life in this quaint, funky little town.

More to come.

Keep your vital energy flowing!

 

0

Powered by WordPress. Designed by Woo Themes