Relationship issues are excellent fodder for evolution through energy clearing, mining and evolving belief systems, and owning and aligning with sovereignty. In my private practice, I work on relationship themes regularly, and truth be told, I’ve had a few relationships myself! I’ve definitely learned to practice what I preach!
Boundaries are beautiful
Family systems are always interesting environments to work with — there’s always dynamics at play, and roles are enacted, often without a nanosecond’s pause to make other choices or operate differently. When these dynamics and roles are toxic, their reenactment is understandably triggering.
There are absolutely situations and even people with whom establishing barriers is appropriate for personal safety and emotional balance.
And, it’s also more than possible that at times, barriers are erected that would be better served by boundaries.
Lately, I’ve had several situations where clients created barriers with family members when boundaries were actually more appropriate. In each case, the clients were erecting barriers based on who they had once been in their role and relationship to their family system. In each case, the clients have done a lot of emotional process work, energy clearing and consciously establishing their sense of autonomy and sovereignty.
If you’ve done that kind of work, you know the stories, you know the triggers, and you’re ready for boundaries, not barriers. In these instances, barriers are yesterday’s way of being, and boundaries are where it’s at for you now.
Boundaries not barriers
Linda’s family is coming into town this week. It’s a big week for her in her corporate role, she’s facilitating a big meeting for the firm’s clients, and needs lots of prep time. Beyond that, she’s out of the office on Friday to run the actual meeting.
Her parents tend to want to spend a lot of time together, which is often conveyed in words, lengthy silences, heavy signs and facial expressions. Linda feels pulled on and unseen. They just don’t get how busy she is!
During our session together, Linda told me that she was planning to call her parents and tell them not to come [barrier], that she was too busy and preoccupied to spend time with them [justification].
I asked her to notice what emotional energy was lighting up in her field. She realized that she was triggered by the caretaking pattern that had been established early on, when she took on the role of keeping her mother happy. She was activated by the unspoken pull to satisfy her mother’s wants and needs, and she felt put out that her own legitimate needs were not being seen and validated by her family.
We spent a few minutes clearing the active tendrils of caretaking energy in her energy field. She grounded, came back into current time and realized that she could establish boundaries around what she was able to do during their visit, while allocating appropriate preparation time the Friday meeting.
She emailed her family a simple, clear email that outlined the times that she could make herself available during their visit. Her family expressed mild disappointment with Linda’s limited availability, but accepted her boundary, and even expressed interest in hearing about the meeting she was going to be facilitating!
Linda realized that the boundaries enabled her to retain her autonomy, and to calmly make it clear that her life and needs take first priority. She didn’t need to create barriers and refuse access, she needed to set boundaries and manage access.
Her family’s response also helped Linda realize that her family has a lot of love for her, even if they express it in ways that lack sophistication and awareness. She was able to receive the love they have to offer, without paying for it by managing their unconscious neediness.
You can set boundaries, too
Let me repeat myself, if barriers are in place for your personal, physical safety, stay the course! I’m not now, nor would I ever advocate putting yourself in physical danger.
However, if you’re putting up barriers and you’re not now who you once were, you may need a little perspective and neutrality to help you realize that boundaries would support you even more effectively.
If you’re still using barriers because you’re still carrying the wound, still angry, still holding others responsible in some way for who you are now, there’s unfinished business that’s sitting like a steaming pile on your doorstep.
You can leave it there and step over it, but it’s much more efficient to bend over and clean it up! Do it for you! Find your freedom. Validate your evolution. Claim your sovereignty and autonomy. Learn how beautiful boundaries are, and apply them where you once built walls and barriers.
And notice how amazing it feels to have clarity, conscious awareness and clean interactions that are not loaded with projection, old wounds and stories.
We’re here to help! The Nugget Bundle has a module called, Boundaries are Beautiful. For $97 – it could be a major support in organizing your energy for autonomy, sovereignty, and letting go of reactive barrier building, expanding into a deep understanding of boundaries and their grace and space.
