I had a conversation with a client last week, and we discussed the Caretaking Chakra Conundrum – that’s C3 for short!
What is the Caretaking Chakra Conundrum?
Let me help you out with an ‘official’ definition:
DEF: Caretaking Chakra Conundrum – a repetitive pattern in which two essential chakras –
the second chakra, the seat of the emotions and
the third chakra, the volition center
are focused on other people’s emotions and wants/needs, and therefore, unfocused on their own emotions and wants/needs.
The result: disconnection from internal emotional awareness, and a focus on taking care of the needs of others, while struggling, and even encountering resistance, with doing things for themself.
Over the years, I’ve navigated a lot of this pattern with clients, and I’ll be honest. Caretaking can be a challenging pattern to resolve.
For many, the pattern can be easy to spot, but difficult to unravel because the impulse to take over and take care of someone else is addicting. Especially when you factor in the cookies!
There are perceived benefits that come from operating in the caretaker role.
- The ‘gratitude’ you receive for constantly showing up and doing all the things feels good and affirming
- The seduction of being needed, being the ‘go-to’ person for someone
- The satisfaction gained from solving someone else’s problems in the manner you think they should be addressed
I call these ‘cookies’. The sweet little treats that keep you enrolled in caretaking.
Unraveling the pattern can mean quite a few things:
- sitting on your hands when people you care about want you to do something for them that they can/should do themselves
- not answering the phone or immediately responding to an email to give yourself time to effectively say no and mean it
- managing your anxiety about how others feel about you and your choice not to enroll in caretaking
- clearing the energetic stimuli and triggers that evoke the caretaking pattern
- observing the impulse to jump in, take over, fix, manage someone else’s experience, process or needs
- learning how to put yourself and your needs first
- finding your go-to phrase that helps you graciously say no – such as…
I hear how this [situation, experience, conflict…] impacts you, and I can understand that it’s quite challenging. What steps are you taking to resolve it so you feel [better, more aligned, untriggered…]?
It often takes time to unravel the caretaking pattern.
It requires self-observation, and self-responsibility.
It requires willingness to be in the discomfort of:
- not jumping in, taking on, doing for
- seeing people taking actions that you would handle differently
- seeing people try and flounder
- seeing people not try at all
- seeing people turn to someone else to handle what you have chosen not to take on
- not getting the cookies
- loved ones feeling angry, disappointed, or hurt that you have not jumped in to rescue them
Chakra Misalignment
When the second chakra is focused on others, it can be difficult to know how you feel about things occurring in your own life.
As the chakra begins to transition toward internal awareness, and your own experiences, you’ll be better able to track when you feel drawn into the caretaking role, and when you’re going for the cookies!
When the third chakra aligns its creation and implementation energies on your own tasks and agenda, you’ll have the energy to do for yourself, because you’re not expending all your energy doing for others.
You may also discover the ways you might resist forward movement, and how resistance can be a trigger for caretaking someone else to avoid your own needs.
Freedom from Caretaking
You can gain your freedom. And when you do, the sense of liberation is profound.
- You’ll realize that people you once thought needed you, actually need themselves.
- You’ll have time and energy to do what you want and need to do, without feeling pulled on or distracted by someone else’s agenda.
- You’ll understand that the kindest, most empowering gift you can give to someone who depends on you unnecessarily is the refusal to do for them what they can learn to do for themselves.
The Wisdom That Set Me Free
I received some powerful wisdom when my son was four years old. My sister, a long-time early childhood education specialist suggested that I ‘never do anything for my son that he can do for himself’.
That wisdom, deeply received, set my feet on the path of releasing my caretaker tendencies. I saw the win for both him and me.
The opportunity for him to build competency and self-confidence by being self-responsible, and taught how to function in his life.
For me, not having to do all the things for both myself and him. I could teach him tasks; to pick up his toys, make his own toast, put on his socks…the list of things he learned to do for himself grew as he did.
When he went to college, he’d been using QuickBooks since his first job in high school. He knew how to manage money – and today, he’s a CFO!
I’ve learned to be present, to be supportive, and to encourage people to make their own way.
I see this ethic shine through in EHI’s courses and programs – they’re laden with tools so people can develop their facility and agency with energy work, self-healing, expanding their conscious awareness, even growing their practice.
EHI practitioners are taught to empower their clients with skills and tools, practices and protocols to do their own healing work between sessions.
If you’re tired of eating the caretaking cookies, and you’re ready to resolve your Caretaking Chakra Conundrum, The Present of Presence and the CLEAR course will anchor you in your inner work.
EHI practitioners, including me, welcome clients who are ready to go on a cookie fast and clear out their caretaking condundrum!
