Ah, expectations. The projection into the future (even a minute from now) that something is going to happen the way you want it to or think it should happen. And then, confound it all, that’s not what occurs. Leaving you disappointed, frustrated, angry and at times, all pouty and self-absorbed. Expectations are certainly a part of life, yes? Who knew they were a part of life that can set us up for NOT getting what we want?
Years and years and well, yes, years ago I learned about the energy of expectations vs. expectancy. In a weekend workshop the participants meditated on the energy of expectations and expectancy. We were looking at several things:
- Which chakras are active when in expectation vs. expectancy? (2nd & 3rd chakras – seat of the emotions and the seat of volition – pushing energy outwards to get emotional needs met)
- What emotions are experienced in expectation vs. expectancy? (4th & 6th chakras – seated within the heart, the fulcrum, and conscious, present for creation)
- Which felt most centering – expectation or expectancy? (I admit it, given the data above, my expectation is that you can figure this out on your own!)
Recently I was reminded about these two energies and that powerful teaching through a dialogue with a dear friend and colleague.
My friend (who is a deep thinker, highly evolved) and I were catching up on our respective lives, sharing stories, insights and ideas – a hallmark of our ever fabulous friendship.
When she was sharing her stories with me, she referenced a disappointment about how a weekend celebration with her partner had concluded. She had wanted and expected the celebration to conclude in a particular way, and it hadn’t worked out that way at all. She was left feeling disappointed and a bit bereft.
We wound our way into talking about expectations and how they can lead to the type of disappointment she was experiencing. And that with larger, weightier scenarios than my friend’s story contained, unmet expectations can generate major crises in a relationship.
After we hung up the phone, I realized that my husband would soon be joining me in Honolulu. Given the flight schedule and the shuttle transport, I expected (uh-huh) him to arrive at 3:00pm. I was writing curriculum and I had a goal of completing the section I was writing by 2:30, allowing me time to pack, wind down a bit and prepare to exit my writing retreat and enter my vacation.
And guess what? That’s not what happened. He arrived at 2:00, calling to let me know he was in the hotel lobby. I was in mid-sentence and caught off guard. Delighted, of course, but definitely not prepared!
In both cases, my friend and I got caught in our projections and expectations of how we wanted things to be.
Returning to the workshop of long ago and far away, the group of us (about 50 people) meditated initially on the energy of expectation. We discovered that there was a pushing outward from the 3rd chakra. An extension outside of oneself and into the energy of ‘other,’ which most of us experienced as feeling pulled on. Some even used the word ‘manipulated.’ I’m leaning forward, projecting on to you my set of needs so that you’ll meet them and I’ll be happy. (2nd chakra)
Now I don’t know about you, but that makes me feel all creepy-squirrely inside – just imagining someone doing that with me. Do I get to have my own say, do I get to decide for myself? I could feel my testy push back – can you imagine holding your own needs and meeting them within yourself instead of loading them on to me?
On the other hand, our group felt quite comfortable in the energy of expectancy. An openness existed, (4th chakra) a way in which we each felt as though we were plugged in, available, in a field of possibility for what we might co-create together (6th chakra). I wonder what we’ll create in this mutual playground of our time together.
All that creepy-squirrely stuff was vanquished, gone. And in its place, centered awareness and mutuality, possibility.
My friend and I know this well. And we’re human. Like you. And like my partner. And her partner. And your partner, friend, colleague, parent, sibling.
It’s not that life is going to be perennially lived without expectations. We all go there from time to time. However, cultivating the practice of expectancy:
- I wonder what we’ll create together to conclude this celebration
- I wonder when my partner will arrive from the airport and how far I’ll have progressed with my writing
allows for the spontaneity to emerge from within the centered self. And that usually trumps expectations.
Hopefully last week’s post inviting you to see what would happen with this week’s post found you in joyous expectancy, relishing the possibility that it might be something useful to you or someone you know. I have no idea, I’m just in happy expectancy!
Aloha and keep your vital energy flowing!