On the Road & Heading Home

GPS: Taos to Salt Lake City

Having completed my 2nd week in Taos, it was time to head back home.

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Early morning fog

I felt clear about my relationship with Oliver. I was sad, disappointed and a little angry. Not at him. At the situation.

I felt ready to return to Portland. Ready to tackle my ever growing list of business projects. To continue the rhythm of building a new life in a new city.

Dear friends live in Salt Lake City, Utah. I made their home my goal for the day, and set off on the 11-hour journey.

As we crossed into Colorado, Oliver thought it would be a nice idea to stretch out in my lap. I curtailed the activity. Too much traffic, and it was too hot from the sun beating through my window.

Oliver preferred his idea and tried again. Four more times. I stopped him. [This level of stubborn is a lot – even for a bulldog!]

The last time, I stopped him with a hard look, a clear command, and used his harness to enforce him sitting down. He glared at me, set his head in defiance.

I looked back to the road, and for a brief moment, out the driver’s side window. I didn’t see him coming until he’d vaulted into my lap. Oliver somehow hooked a back leg through my steering wheel, and then began pulling and scrambling away to remove it. He jerked the wheel and I crossed into the oncoming traffic lane.

I regained control, and thankfully it was not a close call, but it was hair-raising.

Oliver's view as he entered his crate
Oliver’s view as he entered his crate

Oliver rode in his crate the remainder of the drive to Salt Lake.

And I contemplated rehoming him at a shelter. I pulled into a rest area to take a 30-minute walk, moving through emotion and clearing energy, regaining composure and ease.

My friends in Salt Lake observed Oliver as he endlessly sniffed the floor throughout the house, eating anything that resembled food. He ate moulted lovebird feathers, bird seed, cat food, dust, crumbs, plant droppings. His new nickname – Hoover.

Hoover made minimal effort to connect with people, including me. I was useful for feeding, making sure he went outside. The occasional rub or snuggle for 10 seconds was solicited.

Evolving Moment #7

Oliver’s desire to be with someone else has nothing to do with me. Taking it personally activates my anger and sadness. I’ll work those themes in my clearing and meditation practice.

Evolving Moment #8

I can assess my 5 months with Oliver through multiple lenses, and the lens I use is best chosen consciously.

I choose evolution.

I acknowledge and own the parts of me that had lived in the shadow of male disdain, and invited, tolerated inequity in partnership.

And I actively choose letting go, moving on, liberating. More, more liberating. Evolving.

Evolving Moment #9

Getting it is important. Feeling it is significant (though not essential). Letting it go is evolutionary. Consciousness and clearing are my vehicles for evolving.

The search is underway for Oliver’s new home. Portland and Salt Lake have been notified.

A word for my life.
A word for my life.

And my heart, while sad, feels free.

And yes, still more to come.

Keep your vital energy flowing!

 

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